It Ain't On You, Sis
Updated: Jul 30, 2020
We can exhaust ourselves trying to love damaged people. Sometimes our love is not enough. So, stop being the fixer. “Well, if I love him more, he will heal and let go of his past.” No, sis, he won’t. You may be the elixir, but he don’t see that quite yet. Many years will pass before he fully appreciates you...or when you leave him and he’s back in another toxic relationship.
See, you ain’t the one who killed his dreams. You told him his dreams were possible. You ain’t the one who belittled him and called him out of his name. You built him up and constantly reminded him who he was. You ain’t the one who cheated on him repeatedly. You been faithful from the jump even when you could’ve left a thousand times. But he still holding onto the past and all the shit the exes did. He still thinks he’s in a warzone. That’s what PTSD does for you. That’s why he keep talking about the exes and bringing up random stuff from his past. He ain’t over it. He still looking back and holding onto that shit despite how good things are with you.
Again, that ain’t on you. He chased somebody who didn't want him but he kept trying anyway. Well, he got her and paid the price. He stayed because some 'em fulfilled a fantasy or were pretty or were his “type” or were good in bed or because they had “so much in common” or because the heffa got pregnant to keep him tied to her. Or worse, he stayed because he was damaged, too, and it was easier to jump from bed to bed than it was to go and get that therapy he so desperately needed.
But don’t take on his issues, sis. They ain’t yours to keep. See, you can exhaust yourself when you love damaged people. Sometimes your love is not enough. But that don’t have to be the case. You can walk away. Or at the very least, detach yourself from their trauma until they are ready to fully heal themselves. Focus on self. In the end, you can’t fix folks. They can only fix themselves.
That's it, that's all.