People never really know what we go through, even those closest to us. They share our space, air, and even our beds and still do not know the depths of our souls. How could they? They see our smiles and positive attitude. We are Light and so they bask in it. They see the Sun in us but aren't really interested in the Dark, which is demanding, ugly and cruel. Our loved ones will ask, "How are you doing?" or "How was your day?" But that is a polite question, one that has been repeated to us a million times before. We respond, but the real answer is too lengthy, the response too cutting. And so we equivocate and tell the receiver what they want to hear. It's more expedient that way.
"It isn't until you lose someone you love that you realize how important love really is."
The holidays have always been tough for me ever since 2007. That's when I lost her. I've had more losses since then, but none quite so tough. I've been going through a lot lately and calling on angels, cursing demons. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep, but that is not always the best solution nor the most healing. So, I submit to what the Universe has ordained and make an extra effort towards friendship, companionship and intimacy. In many ways, this submission to the reality of death has me asking for more out of life. I want more, not less. It isn't until you lose someone you love that you realize how important love really is.
And so I love with everything I have and say later to those who want to being me crumbs, personally or professionally. I will always demand more because I know more can be done. Through it all, I have become a deeper, more passionate soul. Hugs become more meaningful and tender moments more cherished. Technology can be the devil, so I use it sparingly and only when necessary when in good company. There is nothing on a cell phone that is more important than the moments shared. When they are lost, they are lost forever.
And so, I love...with everything I have.